I Am Ignorant
Ignorance. It is not a word I want in front of my name. Not behind it or served on the side. Nope, Id like to say I take incredible offense. I’d like to say I am the epitome of a fair, empathic and compassionate individual. But Ignorance exists in me despite these other truths. And it exists in you. We don’t know what we don’t know. We just don’t. There are 1,001 ways racism has infiltrated my being since the day I was born. I am not a bad person and likely neither are you. As a white American, I will never completely understand the Black American experience. And if you are a white person, neither will you. Most of us carry shame around this ignorance. However, we can not let our shame keep us locked in a closet of silence, fear and guilt. Here is the thing, when we don’t own our ignorance it owns us. If you feel a lot of pressure to prove that you are not ignorant, it really is only because you are. Your ego/shame is trying to protect you. When you deny this fundamental truth, it just breeds more pain for everyone. I am holding compassion for all of us. Clarity has shown the obvious choice we all have. This choice has been buried deep in the murky layers of ignorance. It is the choice to ignore.
'‘We can not solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.” ~Albert Einstien
Hiding Is Not The Answer.
We are being asked to show up and stand in our ignorance. Sure, some of us are wading in a puddle while others are swimming in a lake. But if you are a good human, your’e uncomfortable. If you are an empathic, super - compassionate human, you may be in a lot of pain. I have cried most days I watch the news, hell Im tearing up as I write this. But I want to say a few things to other sensitive souls, in the event, it helps us to keep listening. We need to learn how to show up in all this discomfort.
A way through ; action steps for all of us to be more powerful healers in the world right now
Seek To Understand: With Boundaries
As a therapist I’m always saying “understand first, be understood second “ but right now we need to create enormous space for understanding the stories and voices of the black community. Read, watch and listen. That said, I see people’s FB posts about the black person who came to drop off a package for UPS and found themselves grilled about what it’s like for them to be black- along with their photo… I think did they want that? Did they feel like talking about that today? Did they feel singled out once again for being black? Maybe, maybe not. Im not them so I don’t know. That said, let’s not be intrusive. It is really is not their responsibility to teach us.
Yes! We want to open up space for dialogue that allows voices to be heard and people to be seen. We want to share and spread compassion and love over all this pain. Yet, I am witnessing how tricky this can feel when we hold shame about our ignorance and struggle with the pressure of saying and doing the right thing. It’s damn awkward.
I have been following more black leaders (especially woman) to hear what they have to say so I can spread their messages. And most have shared how re-traumatizing it can be for a black individual to have to repeat their painful experiences over and over to teach us this is real. Conversely, some have expressed that saying nothing can feel just as bad. You send the message that your discomfort is more important than your friend or coworker when you say nothing. Owning our awkwardness is humanizing. Saying something like, “Id really like to ask you about how you are doing but I feel awkward because I want to honor your feelings and not be intrusive.”
Don’t get stuck in Empathy
I was listening to Todd Herman talk about the Dali Lama’s teachings on Empathy vs Compassion. To be empathic is to bring your emotional resonance to the same level as someone else. If someone is hopeless and in despair you have to lower your own vibration or resonance to experience what it’s like to be them. In doing so, we begin to feel how awful somebody else feels. Some of us are very empathic and find ourselves doing this quite often; feeling the emotions of others. You may do it effortlessly. But you can not help them from this place. According to the Dali Lama we must move from empathy and deep felt understanding into compassion. Compassion is a high vibrational resonance where action can be empowered. So if you are overwhelmed, fried, hopeless and in pain it is time to stop absorbing that pain and start cultivating compassion. Those effected by deep systemic racial inequalities need us to understand this is real and they are in pain but it is not our time to own the pain. We will all be lost. What we need now is big compassion and love. In compassion, we can cultivate alliance .
Begin a practice today to connect to the unique healer you are in this world. Take a few minutes every day and put your hands on your heart and fill up with love and compassion for all the suffering you are witnessing. Fill up with hope and say a prayer asking to become a vessel of love and light that is desperately needed right now. Ask to be shown opportunities for you to heal your small world and beyond. Ask for the courage to act even when its uncomfortable. In your everyday, you can make a difference. Now that you have “felt” the pain and suffering it is time to transition into love and compassion. Let it flow.
Know Who You Are & Go Do Your Good Work
I am not an activist. However, I am an advocate deeply impacted by unfairness and other people’s pain. But for a long time I carried some shame around not being more active. I felt judged by my incredibly assertive activist friends for not being more aggressive in the face of injustice. The truth is, ‘looking for a fight’ is not in my nature. Im constantly seeking to understand and create peace. It’s who I am. I see and feel the humanity in us all. Ive been told my inner archetype is not the Activist but rather I am the Diplomat and Teacher. Seriously, this set me free. I now know how to make a difference based on my gifts and HOW Im here to serve. So I am asking you to really look at who you are. What is your gift here to share with the world? How can YOU make a difference? You don’t need to feel guilty for not being like someone else. Be the most you- you can be. Just don’t fall back to sleep! If you are a teacher, go out and educate. If you are an activist, thank god, get out there! If your a peace maker you may find it difficult to stand in your power Against something for very long. You’ll likely start feeling the need to see humanity from all angles. So you’ll have to spend time standing FOR something. Just take a stand. When we are authentic our voice resonates with others and their consciousness awakens. Who ever you are, you are here right now for a damn good reason. Use your powers for good with your own flavor of courage.
“You can not solve a problem that you are not willing to have or accept” ~ Todd Herman
Understand Black Lives Matter
As this statement began gaining speed some well meaning people were confused by it’s meaning. Some white people felt attacked or on the defense. They expressed their concerns by countering with All Lives Matter .This is good example of white privilege. You see, I don’t need to wear a t shirt that says white lives matter because that is understood. No one is saying that as a white person I do not have my own pain story and trauma. No one is saying white lives don’t matter except for sociopathic criminals that are abundantly opportunistic right now. Think of this statement, Black Lives Matter as a statement of love and compassion. They need to hear and know they matter because they are in danger in a way white people are not. This statement was created because of the repeated trauma that black lives are disposable with out consequence to those in power. And it’s not just black lives, it also includes other people of color that experience these dehumanizing racial disparities. Many of us humans struggle with mattering. It is a core wound of our humanity that many of us wrestle with. Now imagine the dose of this struggle you received in your life and turn the dial up until you feel unsafe. It is time to understand and embrace this statement, Black Lives Matter. And surround it in a halo of love and compassion. Give it your voice. It is time to say: I hear you, I feel you and I wont ignore you. You matter.
🖤💔🖤